it's already the beginning of a new year, and for the 10,000th time probably, i've felt the year past both as slow as a snail and flash at the speed of light.
the cell group appreciation had also finished, though not really fantastically.
i'm not sure if you guys enjoyed it.. but to be honest i don't think i did lol. maybe i'm focusing too much on technical, operational issues. the people did everything they could to make it happen though, which is something that we should be proud of - the costumes, quick wits, enthusiasm and the will to celebrate and enjoy even though things did not go according to "plan".
i've learnt so much being in the committee.. though everything ain't really that nice, but we've put in alot (and i mean alot) of blood and sweat into it (not to mention sleepless nights). Thank you all for helping and bearing with me, and also teaching me so much along the way.
Thank you Xiaowei and James for the gifts; they're the only gifts i've received for the month (in a very long while to be exact), so i really appreciate them.
Thank you Han Kiong too. i don't usually get thank-you hugs, hugs that come from within. hardly lol.
and uh.. the UPsize award thingy.. thanks for that too..
i don't dare to say that i've changed. i just know that i'm still trying. everyday, to be someone better than yesterday.
changing is probably the greatest challenge for me. much less to say progress.
somehow change is always easy when you are empowered to do so.
through the years it's been struggle after struggle. working from scratch, from nothing, holding on, not losing it. alone.
the gruelling tug within never tires.
it's always easy to say that life/God is good when everything good comes to you - nice presents, things that you like and desire, love, financial security & progress, comfort and favour.
but it takes a lot of energy, faith, and courage to say that life is good with none of the things mentioned above, but with voids of every aspect that never seem fair.
the soul gets endangered when the poison of jealousy kicks in.
i don't give a damn whether life is fair or not. i'm not gonna waste anymore of my time thinking about it.
i just want to be a better man. Man. the one in whom God desires me (everyone of us) to be.
I just want to give my buddy the best birthday ever, every year, no matter how hard it is, because i love him and he means alot to me, even though i'm financially strapped.
i want to let my loved ones know that i truly love them, alot, even though i put on a poker face when i'm out with you all and i don't express it.
i don't because if i do, i'll fall apart. i just can't do it.
life is just f**king screwed, just unjust, and fairly unfair.
suck it up, and live on.
and this, is my resolution.
i'm just not the guy you think i am.
