Milk Tea

3 weeks have passed in a blink of an eye.. and i'm leaving Tekong very very soon.

Met many new nice friends, and some not-very-nice people.

the tragic thing is that many of the good ones would be heading to MDC, instead of the 3 mainland camps. just when the nice and new friendships begin, everything is coming to a possible close in 5 days.

on a more positively convenient note, we don't have to take ferries anymore! especially with my newfound motion sickness.

physical training wasn't tough; the mind-fucking was.

mentally overloaded, emotionally stretched, enticed, but held under unstable suppression. broke down a few times silently when no one noticed, then resumed my brave front regime again.

life is a lot easier being yourself, but my intuition told me that none of it was worth the risk.

i'm not the vulgar, complaining, and vengeful sort of person, though i seem to be acting like one for the past few weeks.

after much thought, it really is, not worth being a small person on the inside. the roots of a man's character must be deep and embedded tightly to the ground for greatness to blossom (chinese character for the word "Great")

5 more days. just live with a kindred spirit and deadened nerves.

i think the challenge in life is not to bring justice to the ones you care, but the good in everyone that you possibly know in this lifetime.

honestly i feel just as down when i'm home. was walking towards macs with my sister. clearly we are still not in talking terms at all. her expression on her face looked exactly like mine when i was her age - when my relationship with my dad was dying. i can't help but to feel sorrowful, and i started to tear.

i wished she would know that she's the little girl that i had cuddled ever since day 1, the one that i loved, looked after and played with. my only sister, the only sister i will be proud of in my life.

i know the look on her face better than anything else, and i just cannot help but feel horrible seeing all this happen again.

still am glad to have met Darren and Bingren. i feel alot better now.

thanks Daryl for passing me the iTouch cable too!

the final days in Tekong - i guess, i would miss it.

All You Wanted - Michelle Branch

I wanted to be like you
I wanted everything
So I tried to be like you
And I got swept away

I didn't know that it was so cold
And you needed someone
to show you the way
So I took your hand and we figured out
That when the time comes
I'd take you away

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares

I'm sinking slowly
So hurry hold me
Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on
Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares

All you wanted was somebody who cares
If you need me you know I'll be there
Oh, yeah


If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares

Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone

End

weeks and months have passed, all too quickly when you look back and all too slow when you go through it.

slogged for months, and took a month off to socialise and give myself a break.

made repayments to the bank, though unable to clear them, at least i brought minimal monthly repayments down significantly for mum.

my mental state seems to be deteriorating, after a few uncontrollable emotional outbreaks in the train.

the searing pain in the heart so overwhelming, hurt and burned so hard that even my will had failed me.

i still have problems communicating with my sister (k maybe the whole family); it's just crazy how a little of her insolence can make my tolerance snap almost instantly.

but i know that i know, that He will never waste any pain that He has put me through.

forget about loss and regret; when i take a look around, i have found people that would lend a hand, and mend this broken heart and life of mine.

so much change, so little time to blog about it.

i'll take my time when i'm back from tekong i guess. wouldn't want to spoil some surprises i'd like to give.

i've got a tight grip of reality, but i can't let go of what's in front of me here.

it's already an irremovable tattoo, scarred by hurt.

if there's anything i'd pray for, i'd pray that this getaway of mine will make me strong enough to overcome it.

i will rise again, and be that nice and cool guy everyone once knew.

and i'll be strong enough to be myself, to take my stands whenever necessary.

all i can say to you is:

i missed our friendship, the best that i had in my life so far.

but you got to take your eyes off yourself, and fix it around, above and beyond.

make your boundaries happen; just so you know, you crossed my boundary, not the other way round.

till then, ........ =)